A Letter To Your Saint Rita

by Smallville

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credits

released April 14, 2017

All lyrics written by Nathan Childers
Vocals, drums - Nathan Childers
All guitars and bass - Aaron Lensch
Trumpet on tracks 2, 3, 4 - Jacob Haymans

Recorded and mixed by Ben Miner

Album art by Monica Misiak

Pam is from The Office
Hallelujah is written by Leonard Cohen
Kroger was founded by Bernard Kroger
The Opposite of Loneliness is a collection of works by Marina Keegan
Brief Interviews With Hideous Men is a collection of short stories by David Foster Wallace

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about

Smallville Nashville, Tennessee

I wrote a song once about a car crash and having too many teeth and I guess it just stuck.

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Track Name: Fingers Crossed
You said you hate cutting your nails,
But can't stand the feeling of them when they're long.
I said I thought you were my Pam,
But so did both of your last two boyfriends.
And my car radio is still set to eastern time and
I've got the "Hallelujah" chorus stuck in the back of my mind
You told me you didn't mean it when you said
That I can't be happy and I'd be better off... alone

I got asked to talk about my worst New Year's Eve,
But I've gotta be honest, I've never had a good one.
Yeah, it's still fucked up about how your dad's dying
And I'm sorry that I snuck out of your bed room in the morning.
I guess that I'm not used to talking to God.
I'm not one to ask for handouts and I keep my fingers crossed when you pray
'Cause to me it's all the same thing

'Cause I thought we were all your family
And I've been screaming at God, 'cause hey Man, you kinda owe me
And I'm not gonna beg to You, for me to be happy
Are You even here, 'cause at least the Devil's shown himself to me

Me and all my friends have been hanging out in Kroger parking lots
'Cause we've been feeling reckless and nothing here is open past dark
And I almost got caught carving curse words into your neighbor's car
I've just be trying to find my Jesus or something that doesn't hurt so bad

'Cause I thought we were all your family
And I've been screaming at God, 'cause hey Man, you kinda owe me
And I'm not gonna beg to You, for me to be happy
Are You even here, 'cause at least the Devil's shown himself to me
Track Name: Me In February
Wrote down my sins in the back of a Bible
There’s a reason that they keep those pages blank
And you said you only prayed for two things:
For me to be happy and for me to find your faith

You said you were gonna steal that painting
From the bathroom of your favorite coffee shop
Start a teenage holy war in your basement
And move to Massachusetts in the fall

We keep celebrating holidays late
And no one’s been mad that I, that I haven’t called
I just keep sending birthday cards on the wrong day
Yeah, I’ve been desperate
And every door looks like
An emergency exit

My knife keeps feeling heavy in my pocket
And I keep balancing cough drops on my tongue
Maybe that’s what it’s like to call me “sweetheart”
And I’m caught in your throat when you hum
To yourself

And I sound more composed in my letters
Wrote you a postcard and hoped to God I signed it “thanks”
I’m a cracked windshield in rainstorm in Virginia
And you’re the reason I’m still grinding my teeth

I’m so scared of sleep
‘Cause I’m afraid I’ll wake up from this dream
Where you leave me two voicemails
When I check ‘em
They both say
That you miss me

And there’s this book that I read
With a girl who laughs just like you
And I thought her death
Was caused by a car crash,
But I reread the whole thing
And it don’t say either way

I must have made the whole thing up
I must have made the whole thing up
I must have made the whole thing up

What gets me the most is
She could have died a hundred different ways
And I just made the whole thing up
Goddamn, I made the whole thing up
Track Name: Wasted December
The man on the TV who died in a car crash this morning
Looks too much like your boyfriend, so I turned it off and called him
I got your voicemail and spent an hour on 75
I broke in through your window to find you both alive

But I've been so scared that everyone is gonna leave me
And I've been so scared that I won't get to say goodbye
So, while my friends were waiting for you in that hospital waiting room
I was in New York

I had that dream again where my mom don't get a funeral
'Cause we're too fucking broke and I'm too tired to come home
I had flashbacks of my trapped under dry wall as a kid and
It still feels like there's some dust trapped in my lungs

I've been thinking 'bout your birthday
I remember how you turned nineteen alone
You smoked three cigarettes on a campus bench
While I wasn't there, but I think that's where you started to find God

I feel like I wasted December

I watched the sunrise from a bus seat in the Carolinas
I almost touched Atlanta with my tongue
I think I get what you feel when you read Woolf after church

But, I still feel like I wasted December
Track Name: The Opposite of Loneliness
I've been waking up sick
I can't seem to get over it and
I've picked up this habit of
Making you feel like shit
When I quote "Hideous Men"
You tell me I'm not sensitive, but
I said that it's messed up
You know that thing with the Challenger

I've got this nightly routine
Walking 'round parking lots screaming
Looking for anything, yelling your name
and words like "fight me"
I got so nervous and I've been so sick of feeling lonely
I've been walking in places I shouldn't
And digging up tragedy

I had this wild idea that I might find poetry
In your back yard or locked cars
Or these tax forms addressed to me, but
I've been coming up blank
Except for some words that you sent, but
The post office burned down and it took your letters

I've got this nightly routine
Walking 'round parking lots screaming
Looking for anything, yelling your name
and words like "fight me"
I got so nervous and I've been so sick of feeling lonely
I've been walking in places I shouldn't
And digging up tragedy

Well you dug up some dead dandelions
And you threw them into a vase
And it felt like something else leaving
Another thing you couldn't save
And it feels like some kind of curse
Like saying the right thing at the wrong time
When you're next to me I get paranoid
I slept on the wrong side last night

I've got this nightly routine
Walking 'round parking lots screaming
Looking for anything, yelling your name
and words like "fight me"
I got so nervous and I've been so sick of feeling lonely
I've been walking in places I shouldn't
And digging up tragedy