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Guilt & Grave Markers

by Smallville

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about

when I was a teenager and my grandpa was aging, I neglected to spend the time with him to make him happy and comfortable and less alone. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be cool and youthful and anyone or anything that was an obstacle to this, I selfishly ignored.
when my grandpa was healthier, we'd walk through the woods and arrive at a small cemetary and we'd wipe the pollen and dirt off the headstones and pay our respects to the dead. I, however, failed to pay the same respects to my grandpa in his later years when he needed the love of his family. now two things burn in my mind when I think of him:
guilt & grave markers.

lyrics

Playing scratch cards in the driver’s seat
Of an empty parking lot
Where I’ve done spent all my money
And poured out all my luck

And I stare in the rearview mirror
At progenitorial teeth
Crooked incisors in my bloodline
Of the men in my family

I’ve been chasing love in states

I say are too far away
Or that I got too caught up in work
To call you on your birthday

But, you say that the chemo burns
That you wanna die with grace
And my dad cleaned up your beard
As a final thanks

You’ve been fighting this off
And I’ve been neglecting your hospital
You still remember my name
But, the nurse says it won’t be like that soon

You’ve been fighting this off
And I’ve been neglecting your hospital
I say that I gotta go
But, I don’t have a good reason to

When your legs were a bit more strong
And your lungs didn’t match the asphalt
You would take us down to the graveyard
Sit in shade under the magnolias

We’d weave between the headstones
Leaving flowers for the all unknowns
I would trip as I carried your body
When we laid you to rest there

My sister and I were kids
We would dance in the green space
So unaware of death
And unfazed by the gray

You’ve been fighting this off
And I’ve been neglecting your hospital
You still remember my name
But, the nurse says it won’t be like that soon

You’ve been fighting this off
And I’ve been neglecting your hospital
I say that I gotta go
But, I don’t have a good reason to

When you were my age
You were building planes for war
And I spent all of your inheritance
On some drugs and a beat up car

When you were my age
You were building planes for war
And I burned through your inheritance
When I crashed my first car

credits

released August 20, 2021
single artwork by t.e.FILM

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Smallville image

Smallville Nashville, Tennessee

I wrote a song once about a car crash and having too many teeth and I guess it just stuck.

welcome to smallville.

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